1. Write your own exit plan:
Dear Darren,
It's not working out. I hate you, I hate this propped-up portacabin pathetically named 'Adland', I hate your jumpers, I hate Advertising. I'm going to swap to media studies purely to mock this course. So there.You'll have to find another Schmuck to blag nine grand off.
Yours Sincerely,
Failed Advertising Student, Potentially Great Media Studies Student
(Rob Denning)
2. Invent a word.
SHITEHAWK: def. Insult used agasint someone with good eyesite
e.g. "I have the eyes of a hawk!', 'You are a Shitehawk'
3. Write your own motto:
'Whoever fucks wins' or alternatively 'He who dares, lacks the concept of inevitable failure' or even more alternatively 'Why Bother?"
4. Write your own manifesto
MY MANIFESTO:
1. NEVER STEAL
2. ALWAYS BE POLITE
3. NEVER BE RACIST
4. ALWAYS ASK PERMISSION
5. NEVER NEEDLESSLY OFFEND
6. ALWAYS TREAT OTHERS HOW I WANT TO BE TREATED
7. NEVER REPEAT YOURSELF
8. NEVER REPEAT YOURSELF
9. ALWAYS BE KIND
10. NEVER ENVY
11. ALWAYS CONSIDER MYSELF LUCKY
12. NEVER MONOTNEOUSLY AND ROBOTICALLY WRITE LISTS IN CAPTIAL LETTERS OF THINGS I SHOULD ALWAYS AND NEVER DO
13. ALWAYS END MANIFESTO LISTS ON 13
Also, recycle.
5. Sell me something you own:
You smoke? Of course you smoke! Us smokers are a dying breed y'know? Well how's about i give you this delicious 12.5 gram pouch of Cutter Choice tobacco for a very very modest price? Not convinced by it's bright yellow ominous packaging and on-label threats of death if consumed? Maybe you think it would be wiser to just smoke those Marlboros you love the taste of, never mind the battery acid and rat poison that goes into those things. Nope, if your going to give yourself cancer, you may as well skimp out on it and prolong the inevitable death by purchasing this Cutters Choice right off me, right now, for a very limited time only.
6. Sell me someone you love:
My twin brother Alex, is an efficent worker with experience who I can sell/rent to you for next to nothing. He has all your standard high school qualifications (including some outstanding GCSE results) and a years worth of education in Electronic Engineering from the University of Loughborough. You will now find him in the sleepy southern region of Warwickshire, taking comand of the local Co-operative store with a tyranic like style of control. He has no limits to what he's prepared to do for your money; kill, love, hate, destroy he will do anything for an honest buck. A fair price, for a fair product. My brother Alex, yours today for a negotiable price.
7. Sell me your brain.
My brain, is bloody marvelous. It can create, concentrate, make concious and sub-concious decisions for me, it can even make me look like i'm concentrating when i'm not at varying points in one day! A wonder to behold, my brain. What makes it different from other brains I here you ask? The answer, my brain will never fail you.
NEVER. It's always switched to intelligent mode, and if there is any glimpse or sign of it not corresponding to this factory like setting, you are free to pull apart my brain and leave it rotting on the floor like it would deserve, if it ever failed to deliver. Which it wouldn't. Ever. So buy my brain NOW! and let IT do the thinking for YOU.
Retail Price approx. £4.99-14.99
